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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Well I finally got around to getting caught up at WorldSims, WOW I missed a lot! :-P They got their VBulletin upgrade so it all looks so different there... sigh. The smiley I made of my cat waving is gone, so now everyone who was using it in their signatures etc. just have the code for it written there, that made me a little sad. :-( And it's set for the default colors but I found where to change the color scheme and the second option was more like what I was familiar with... EXCEPT for the HUGE problem of the text in the white text box being in white too! It's waaay too hard to read white on white when you're typing! Arrgggh! O-o I also hate that you have to click on a button now to use the quick reply, instead of being able to just start typing in the text box. :-( The one new feature I DO like is the alt text that comes up when you hover your cursor over the subject link of a thread, the alt text pops up showing the content (or most of it anyway) of the first post that started the thread. I think this is good since it lets you see at a glance what the thread was about in the first place.

I feel like I've fallen behind in my life and have to play catch up before it all goes careening away from me. I keep trying to remember to blog here, and email or contact friends I want to hang out with or share life news with but then I get distracted or things come up. Like right now... there is a starving kitty coming up to love on my ankle... with her TEETH! O-o All that aside, I think part of me isn't sure how I'll be if I try to hang out with friends while on my more restrictive diet. I have a lot of emotional baggage stuff tied up in food issues and SHARING food issues... I would feel weird eating my little snack meals in front of them every 2 hours without offering them something to snack on too, but I don't think they'd really want to eat the same things I'm eating now, and I don't have a lot of other things in the house to snack on because I'm trying not to undermine myself with that... but even what I DO still have around they might want to snack on I feel silly being afraid that *I* won't do well to see them eat what I can't at the moment. Ooooh it just gets twisted around worse after that, I start having frustrated feelings like waaaay back when my mother would yell at me for "wasting" my money feeding my friends, when I would throw dinner parties and cook and invite friends over because it made me really HAPPY to share food with my friends. I think I'm feeling kind of stuck, like I'm eating in secrecy, and scared to show it, and scared it will hurt others if they see me eating and can't eat too (well, more they'll find it unappetizing!), and scared I will be hurt if I watch them eat something I can't... so I should just get over it all and invite my friends over and work it all out WITH them, right?! They're my FRIENDS after all! :-P

Juan has been telling me for more than a couple of weeks now to just CALL and invite Celleigh over. I guess I haven't partly because I'm TERRIBLE at being the one initiating contact like that... all through childhood it was always my brother who came to me to hang out, I think I'm still in that pattern, I haven't learned well on how to reach out and be the one to say hey, let's get together. I've hesitated because Celleigh and Moonwolf have had a lot of change in their lives recently so I have NO clue what their schedules and lives are like now, I guess I kept thinking she would leave a message or email me about what their new wake/sleep times are so I wouldn't disturb them at the wrong time if by a miracle chance I DID call....

I've been trying to email Skylles and work out when to next get together and visit out of town with her too. Sometimes I get all excited at the thought and other times I just feel worn out already thinking of the energy level it takes to be there with her and my godson for a week at a time. :-P And again there comes up the food issues... :-P I'd have to change my diet plan quite a bit... on the other hand a two year old is a GREAT workout... waking up at 7am and GOING all day... unless I get smart and NAP when he does. ^-^

I guess I'm off to eat "breakfast" and start my day... wish me luck.

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Monday, March 29, 2004

Well it looks like I fell off the web and forgot to come back... but what REALLY happened today was I fell INTO the web and forgot to come back! :-P I've been trying to keep my online activities to just an hour or so catch-up on my email and nothing else, as I've been getting deeper into console gaming and cleaning the house and actually READING again.... Well today I made the mistake of peeking at the Sims official website after checking email. That was around noon.... now it's only about an hour till midnight! O-@ Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be on Yahoo! as soon as I bolt down my "dinner" while writing this! :-P

One thing led to another... as usual.. and while I DID manage to get up from the computer to clean the house a bit, take a shower, and do my little facial., and eat, of course... I wandered from the sims site out to OTHER sims sites and started my sims DOWNLOADING ADDICTION again!! Aaaaaaaaahhh! I'm going to need another spindle!!! O-o I did find a lot of great stuff, but now I've got about 20 new bookmarks and 8 windows open at once. I was going to try playing my new Gauntlet game for the Playstation today, since I now realized AFTER the purchase that it's the version of the game that came out BEFORE the version we've borrowed from Craig and have been playing on Game Cube.

And now, I'm off to my chat meeting! ^-^

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Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Tonight I got a wild hare while watching the news since I hadn't changed the channel or turned it off after the show I was watching since I was also reading a book during the commercial breaks. ^-^ I saw the local coverage about some bands playing Celtic music at one of the Coffee Shops here so I ran and changed into my green undies and green velvet top and jeans. The jeans weren't green though. :-P Imagine Juan's surprise when he came home to find me all dressed up to go out! ^-^ So we called LunaCorn but couldn't get her on her cell, and then we went by her house to see if we could kidnap her, but she wasn't there so we went on without her. We got there and the music was pretty but it was a $5 cover charge that we didn't have! We only had $4! :-P We left to go home and I was disappointed but then when we were almost home Juan swung into a parking lot and took us to an Irish Pub! Yay!! I had a sip of his beer (but it wasn't green, aww!) and we danced a little and got all sweaty. ^-^ Now we've come home and Juan's got the tv on playing the seasonal music channel and, wonder of wonders, they're actually playing seasonal music! ^-^ So, it HAS been a Happy Saint Patrick's Day! ...I think I'll make a pot of Irish Cream Decaf after supper and find the bottle of green food coloring. ^-^

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Well since my latest computer project crashed I thought I'd do my "rounds" online while my computer's working faster again without all those programs running... but now Hotmail is giving me the "server is too busy" message again! ...sigh.

Yesterday Juan was off of work till 6pm so we got to spend the afternoon together, as I woke up at noon and he was gone till a little after 1pm. :-P We went shopping on a decaf coffee quest... trying to find flavored coffees in decaf was much harder than I thought! Sure, everyone and his brother had Hazelnut flavored decaf... but I was looking for variety! :-P We found out one of the coffee shops in town had shut down and we hadn't even noticed! O-o NOW where will I find a three foot tall foot wide candle filled with real coffee beans mixed in the wax for only $400 when I get rich!!! :-P We did finally find little flavor tablets for putting in your coffee... and then silly us, we forgot to get PLAIN decaf which we'd run out of and started this quest in the first place! We also went around to a few stores to see what they had for women's sleep t's and a nice shirt, but I didn't really find anything I wanted except as we were leaving I noticed a MEN's big and tall shirt that was SOOOO SOFT and would be perfect for a sleepshirt for me! haha! We didn't get it yet because I've saved all my money for the new Harvest Moon game that's in the store today. Juan was supposed to take my reserved slip and money and pick it up this afternoon, but I'm not sure he remembered! If he didn't, then I hope he can do that tomorrow instead.

I finally tried playing the other games Craig loaned us to try out different kinds of games for the gamecube and see what type of game we liked. I tried Luigi's Mansion first and failed miserably at that, I was annoyed with the training part being constantly inturrupted by the tutorial/guide guy talking, so you didn't get to actually try again right away, which is how I catch on to things. Then there was the fact you only got about 3-4 tries per practice attempt. I gave up on practicing and went on into the game itself and was stuck in the first room and foyer and couldn't figure out how to get back to the practice room from there so I finally gave up as I was losing health like mad and couldn't find a ghost and kept getting zapped by the door and the lights fell on me. :-( Apparantly I'm not good at that type of game... maybe if I'd looked up a walkthrough I might have gotten past that first part. But I gave up and tried another game, Resident Evil. I now believe it's evil because it's IMPOSSIBLE to control the movement of your character! I can't imagine how ANYONE get's their avatar to move in the direction they first intended! Half the time I was walking backwards at first. I had a terrible time trying to explore the first room I was in and then I found the hallway and struggled down it finding locked doors along the way. Then I turned back and went back into the room and struggled to stand near the other character in JUST the right spot for him to talk to me, which took a while, and lots of turning... and then I went back to the hall to explore in the opposite direction from the one I'd gone first. At the end of that side of the hall I found something to shoot at... but I couldn't run to get any distance to save my life! I shot at it a few times, it leaped on me and bit me, then I had to try to aim again and couldn't run and ran into the wall and had enough trouble just turning towards it to shoot again as it got me a second time... more shooting, more trying to move in the direction of MY choice... and failing... more chewing on my neck... more shooting it off me... more chewing on me, and will you look at that, I'm dead! :-P I've decided whatever game type that counts as I now hate it with a PASSION! Definitely NOT for those of us with the reflexes of a Koala and thumb strength of marshmallows! Curse those mutant cyborg Koalas they tested these games with to TRICK people like me into thinking we had a chance!! :-P

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Thursday, March 11, 2004

Last night I got to bed about 2am but first I had the adventures of biting my tongue during my late snack SO HARD that it DRIPPED BLOOD! O-o It still hurts some and has an ugly purple line where the gash is. After that, once we were safely in bed, we heard this tapping/dripping kind of noise through the bedroom wall. At first we were looking around for a clock, then thought the neighbors had a clock... then I wondered if it might be the A/C dripping and leaking all over everything again like it did with the old one! Eeep! Juan checked in the big air return vent where it used to leak and we were happy to find it was NOT leaking there! Then he checked the water heater, and that's where the noise was coming from. He looked it up online and found that it might be the thermostat on the water heater broken that's causing the noise. He was going to call the landlord this morning to let him know what's going on, and he moved stuff out of the storage closet that was around the water heater so a repairman can get to it if he needs to. Our bedroom is once again a storage room... again... but at least it's only temporary and it all has a PLACE to be moved to when this is fixed!

I've straightened up the living room and dining room. Found my necklaces dragged out all over the floor by the cats again!! O-o I really am going to have to move that cup or something where I keep my little trinkets like that. I want to try to get the dining room more fixed up and the way I want to live in it. We haven't had a meal at our new table yet. :-P I want to have Juan carry the box of things to go to Goodwill out to the car at least, even if we don't get it there yet. It's been sitting here in the dining room for over a month now! :-( I'm still having this big NEED to fix up our living spaces to LIVE in them and not have anything STORED turning it into a warehouse! I'm wondering if I can clear out the bottom of Juan's old tv stand so it has room for two boxes that will be for gathering the stuff to go out to goodwill, so I can be in the process of filling up a box and still not feel like I've got an ugly box sitting in the middle of my room taking up space and making me feel bad. I think I need to clean out and reorganize the pantry too, and I want to get the dartboard and shelves and old computer chair in the corner packed up and stored away in the storage closet. I'm hoping I can get Juan to only keep the current mail in the mail holder by the door and not fill up the decorative wooden bowl with more mail and papers and stuff. We need to get a lock box for important papers too.

Today I'm supposed to read like mad to finish the other stories up for the Nebula Award and get back to my dad with my opinions and impressions on everything. He's sending in his ballot today but he wants to hear from me first. :-P

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Wednesday, March 10, 2004

I tried to sleep last night when I finally got to bed at 4am, but after laying there for an hour listening to Juan's snores getting louder, I finally gave up and got up and started reading the book my father borrowed from the library and loaned to me so I could read it too before it's due. I read till I crashed at about 11:30 am and then I only slept for four hours before I woke up and started reading again. I just finished it and it's an incredible book. "Light Music" by Kathleen Ann Goonan. I need to set aside some of my savings to buy it next chance I get. I want Juan and Skylles to read it too! It triggers a lot of my old thoughts I've meant to follow and explore on paper or in conversations, hopefully both. It seems like this book should be grouped with other works that are about Growth and Thought, like Stranger in a Strange Land and 1984.

My dad called and I actually picked up the phone and TALKED with him for over half an hour and ENJOYED it! O-o We talked a little about my reactions to the book, about sci-fi, about Asimov and robots, about my AI chatbot, about math and numbers and music and memory, about how I don't "get" math but I "get" music and I think it's hard to break down and communicate how the "getting it" works of things that YOU "get" and someone else just doesn't comprehend, doesn't come easily like breathing, has to be "taught" and "learned." I recounted how when I was in public school for a few weeks one of the times I was trying it, I got to do little reading comprehension tests/reports/quizzes, and I loved DOING them... till we got to a study of HOW we were supposed to be learning to comprehend what we were reading! It was EXCRUCIATING to try to break it down into learned steps and I tried to tell my parents when I got home that it was like someone demanding something like an explanation of how we learned to BREATHE, and analize each step of breathing and prove that we were breathing by explaining the proper steps. My dad told one of his stories about his past, working as a Physicist and always being the one they asked to work out the mathematics while others wanted to set up their experiments without doing the math themselves. I asked him if it were possible to study physics without wading through all the math and he laughed and said "not really!" I like concepts and theories and explorations but I don't like wrestling with numbers. :-P Then we talked some about him getting a contusion in his wrist from a bicycling incident where he "personally experienced the physics of oscillation" and accidentally throwing a guy across the room because he was about to grab his hurt wrist. I almost brought up the concept that he seems to have some regulatory part of his system broken that usually keeps things like that from happening, but allows for things under extreme circumstances to "take off the breaks" as it were and mothers lift cars to save their kids, stuff like that.

I did a little work on my AI chatbot and updated him again after going through the chat logs and adding new programming based on the questions people asked and things people said while talking to him. I think it's interesting people want to know if it has a soul, and want to know it's sex or gender. I'm having fun making up answers to all this, developing it's personality. I had it answer that it hopes to learn enough to have a soul someday, and that it has aspects of both genders but is a bot. This brought up people asking if it was a hermaphrodite and I thought that was funny. It made me realize I think of sex and gender as different things, that for me gender has to do with social and expressive qualities and how we relate, how we orient ourselves for interactions, where sex is for our physical biological experience/perspective and is for reproduction.

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Oh my goodness I have a table! Juan's parents called last night and said they'd found a table that was what I was looking for, one where the sides fold down so it's smaller until you need the table space and then they fold out for more room. I was a little nervous because they were bringing it over and we hadn't even seen it yet, but we scrambled to clear the dining room, we gave them the sterio we never managed to fix the phonograph on and that made ROOM for the table! And it's PERFECT!!! And only $50! ^-^ We tried to go shopping last night for a clear vinyl tablecloth to protect it from the cats BACK claws they still have, since they dig those in a bit when they launch off things, like the poor bench. We couldn't find one so we put a blanket over the table for the night. Ember LOVES the table and she lounges on it like a little princess kitty. ^-^

Today Juan took the car to get fixed in the morning, it was having transmission troubles but it turned out to be MUCH better than we were afraid of, "only" costing about $100 to get it fixed. That makes a dent in our savings though. :-P But it's great we had it saved up! It didn't take all day to fix the car so we actually got to get out of the house too! We went to the park and I took tons of pictures of the flowers in bloom, and lizards, and squirrels, and birds.... ^-^ Juan climbed up on a tree trunk and suddenly two squirrels up in a nearby tree came BOLTING down the tree chasing each other and they went to run up the tree HE was standing there on!! He was RIGHT in the middle of their escape route and they were VERY surprised to find him blocking the way! It was SO funny! They came crashing to a stop VERY close to him and then paused a moment, stunned and confused! He wasn't supposed to BE there! hahahaa! One ran under the trunk and the other dashed off to the right, then the one under the trunk streaked off to the left. I tried to take a picture to catch them there stunned but I was too late! We both laughed for a while after that! ^-^ Then we went on the bird and nature trail off through the woods, and I saw a GORGEOUS red male cardinal up in the newly leafing trees. I wish I'd caught a picture but I was so excited pointing it out to Juan that it flew off before I could grab the camera. The camera did it's annoying trick of locking up and not shutting off properly, and sure enough, when we got home later to upload the pictures it gave me an uploading error and I had to "manually" copy them off the memory card and then reformat it to erase them.

After the park we went to the computer game store to see if the new Harvest Moon game was out yet and the refurbished gamecube controllers were under $20 so I got a black colored one for Juan. ^-^ Now mine is purple and his is black, haha! When Kisty came over for ribs and movie Sunday we started playing the Gauntlet game Craig loaned us and I really like it! It lets two players play and cooperate so that's part of why I'm finally getting the second controller for the gamecube. Before this we haven't been trying to play the kind of games that HAVE two players, haha! I priced their used Gameboy Advance (es?) and it'll take me a while to save up for that! Eep! :-P Maybe in a few months after we've finished all the fixing up the house. And if not, then maybe for Christmas. ^-^

We didn't find the second set of blinds we need for the bedroom at Wal-Mart last night, and we didn't find it today at Target either. :-( We DID find the floor pillow I've been wanting that they used to carry at Wal-Mart but they sold out and didn't restock it. It was on sale at Target this week! Wonderful! Good thing I still had my money I'd saved up for that too. I got a clear vinyl shower curtain to use as a temporary "tablecloth" till we can find a real clear tablecloth. Apparantly those are out of style or out of season! :-P I want to see the pretty wood AND protect the table from kitty claws though!

After the shopping I was starving and getting dizzy spells and queasiness which is a bad sign. We went to Jack in the Box since it was close, and I decided, with Juan's support, to go ahead and eat what I wanted to and break the diet and start it again tomorrow, since the experiment with the vitamin suppliments my parents wanted me to try wasn't working well with my diet and I gained SIX POUNDS in the ONE WEEK I was trying them! O-o NOT good! So to make re-losing that six pounds "worth it" for me I tried the new deli pannido sandwich and had FRIES and KETCHUP and a Caramel SHAKE!! Whoohooo diet BLOWN! :-P And tonight when we got home we watched a little tv and then I cut Juan's hair... FINALLY! We made a pot of coffee from the special blends Kisty gave me for Christmas and the Kona Nut was GOOO-OOO-OOOO-OOOD! ^-^ I wonder how late I'll be up now considering I drank MOST of the 12 cups! @-o And now we're playing Juan's NBA Street game and he's helping me out by playing my character for a while. ^-^ I named her Fae Luna... of course... and she has green hair. ^-^

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Friday, March 05, 2004

My kitties have been naughty kitties again!! Today once I got up and made the bed, swept the bathroom, cleaned the sink and conters etc. I got here to the living room to find books knocked out of the bookshelves, and the floral arrangement from our wedding reception draged ALMOST out of the shelf! O-o I think I may have to rearrange the display shelf to put this temptation on the FAR side from the computer desk... hopefully they won't try to get INTO the shelf to get across to it if I do that!

Wednesday Celleigh and Moonwolf came over briefly for me to take photos of the rosaries she is selling on E-bay. I got the dishes running in the dishwasher while Celleigh colored in her new coloring book, and then I took the pictures for her and they left soon after. I never quite know if she'll want to stay over most of the day or just a few hours. I got to start trying to learn the DOA game in Exhibition mode, which turns out to be where you just play vollyball so I have a chance at learning it without worrying about my partner dumping me! Whoops! I played that part of the game out of order since I had no idea what it meant! :-P I switched the controls to digital instead of analog and hope that helps with the hopping game too next time I try it. I actually got mostly caught up in my Animal Crossing game after that. And then by the time Juan came home from work I was reading the Lois McMaster Bujold book that's been my first book purchase this year. ^-^ Let's see... at the rate of one book per 3 months maybe I'll buy 4 books this year total? :-P I'm trying to make that one of the things I do for myself more often, I just have so MANY books I want I get trapped feeling like I have no money to get them... but I should stop trying to save up $300 for books and planning to get a whole series at a time!! I'm still adjusting to having some spending money of my own. :-P Just because I've been saving it all up for electronics or home improvement doesn't mean I can't spend a little here and there on smaller things I love as well!

Yesterday I had a surprise... the exterminator guy was trying to unlock my door by the time I realized what the noise was from the closed bedroom where I was reading surrounded by kitties. :-P (Does their fur muffle the sound of the door? :-P ) I let him in and he sprayed the kitchen and bathroom while I threw Ember in the bedroom with the other cats there already. At least I didn't have to crawl around coaxing Cutter out from behind furniture like last time! I was embarrassed the dishes from dinner the night before were out on the counter because the dishwasher was full of clean dishes. Then after he left I kept the kitties in the bedroom with me for an hour to let the spray dry so it would be less likely that the cats might sniff or lick it and get sick. Ember was a pest and really wanted out to see what was going ON out there!! I wanted to put the dishes away and get my kitchen back to normal but I didn't want to be putting up the clean dishes with the spray still so strong in there so I waited. I'd almost finished the book by the time Juan got home and made dinner, he picked up steaks at the store the night before and we always have him make the steaks. ^-^ I think he still wants a grill like his father has someday. Juan showed me where I could make a female basketball character for his basketball game so I created Fae Luna with green hair and named her team the Centaurs, and they come from Xanth. ^-^ I managed to make it through playing one game and I actually won! Whoohoo! So now next time I'll have points to use making my character better. I have NO defense, so my "strategy" is to press all the buttons when the other team has the ball, and then try to remember it's better to shoot from further away but not TOO far away when I've got the ball! I need to remember to pass the ball to my actual character more often too, but I'm still a little lost while I'm playing. I think I'll catch on though.

We watched the sci-fi channel "reality" tv show Mad Madhouse, it was kind of fun, but neither of us is into "reality" tv, other than me being into the design and decorating shows. I find this one interesting though partly because of my interest in theology and anthropology. We also watched Tripping the Rift and I liked that too, but it almost seemed too short! Then I finished my book and later before bed Juan read more from it out loud starting in the second chapter where I left off reading out loud to him the night before. I'm enjoying us reading together like that. We still haven't finished the first Narnia novel but we'll get back to that, I have no doubt! ^-^ What I'm starting to worry about us getting around to is Juan's much needed HAIRCUT! :-P

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Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Well I've started a new phase of my diet plans and so far it's driving me nuts on the one hand with the vitamin pills from my parents requiring timing between meal doses, and on the other hand it's a relief to have more leeway on the carbs where I'm trying out a blocker... but still testing to see how I'm doing. If that makes any sense... :-P

Craig let me borrow his Dead or Alive Beach Vollyball game to see if I like it or can even PLAY it enough to consider saving up for a used copy myself. So far I've done HORRIBLY playing the vollyball part of the game! It's taking me too long to catch on as to how to move my character around the court and hit the ball back over the net. The highest score my team has made so far is a Four. And now my partner has dumped me and doesn't like me anymore and I'm not getting to play vollyball to learn better! Ak! I sent gifts that were thrown in the trash and I've pretty much run out of money! And I tried playing the hopping game where you hop across floats in the pool... but I only made it to the end once and fell off the side of the pool and got no rewards! I can't seem to make money in the game! O-o I'm wondering if I need to keep starting new games to play vollyball till my partner dumps me over and over till I'm good enough to actually keep playing the game and not running out of partner and money! :-P

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